17 years ago tomorrow, Bekah and I will celebrate our first date. Some of you might ask what we are planning for our celebration. Well, it’s funny. We’re going to spend it apart. She’s going down to Chattanooga to hang out with some old friends from high school and I’m staying here to work on audiobooks.
Happy Anniversary, Bekah! I’m glad you have finally reconnected with your high school friends. I know you’re going to have a great time!
I’m just testing this Blackberry Software. I like the format. I just hope it posts and edits correctly.
I know you’re tired of hearing this, but…sorry it’s been so long. I had surgery on my heel and recovery has seemed slow (even though the doctor tells me that recovery is happening at a very quick pace). I have no excuse. I’ve been sitting still with my foot in an AirCast for almost a month now.
Anyway, here’s the reason for this post:
This is my new favorite picture of Bekah. I know it’s not a recent shot of her, but this picture has meaning that goes much deeper. First of all, the picture was taking just before she graduated from high school. She’s sitting in her grandmother’s living room. That living room now happens to be our living room. We bought our home from her when she moved to Louisiana a couple of years ago. Second, Bekah is sitting in a chair that we also inherited as part of the purchase of the home. That chair now sits in our bedroom reading area. Third and finally, it’s a beautiful picture of her.
I found this picture while going through some pictures at her parents’ house a couple of months ago. We scanned them in so she could post a bunch of them on Facebook. I liked this picture right away just because of her, but when I finally got a chance to look at it, I realized exactly what I was looking at. The chair she’s sitting in in the picture is in almost the exact same place facing in almost the exact same angle and sitting in the very same room as the chair that I sit in as I type these words.
A whole lot has happened since this photograph was taken. She met me and, thankfully, fell in love with me. How I pulled that one over on her, I’ll never know. We married, moved to Dallas for a while, got me though grad school, had two beautiful children, and have since moved back to where it all began. This picture for me, represents a very concrete definition of the phrase “full circle.”
Anyway, I’m sentimental and romantic that way and just thought I had to share.
Now that my vacation is almost at an end, I thought I’d wrap it up a bit with a few lessons that I learned.
There might be more later. Technically speaking, we are still on vacation…
Getting a little more personal now…
Can we dim the lights a little? Thank you.
Bekah and I have been married for…(pause while I do math)…13 years now; dating for…(another pause) 16. We’ve been through a lot in that time. For the most part, though, I’d say we have a very happy marriage. Let’s be honest, every couple has their ups and downs. Thankfully, we’ve mostly had ups. I mean there are things about me that drive her absolutely insane and there are things about her that do the same to me. For the sake of enjoying my king-sized bed and having a lumpy couch, I’ll not itemize those things here.
Anyway, about 5 or 6 months ago, Bekah and I instigated Date Night. Full disclosure: it was her idea. I got chastised the other day for saying
Date Night is the best idea we’ve had in a long time.
The correct statement should’ve been
Date Night is the best idea you’ve had in a long time.
I’ll not make that mistake again.
But I digress.
The concept is simple: we set aside one night every week that is ours. It’s not always easy to do with her working retail and me professing theatre, but we actually take the time to put Date Night in our calendars. Since the budget is tight, we don’t feel like we have to go out to a fancy dinner (or even a take-out/drive-thru dinner). We cook either for or with each other, eat in peace after the kids are in bed, and then spend some quality time focusing on each other.
I won’t go into all the details of what Date Night involves. I’m sure most of you are adults and can use your imagination. Plus, going into more detail would put me in danger of sleeping on the patio or worse. However, I will tell you that, even when we don’t or can’t get a babysitter, we still have Date Night. We just wait until we’ve put the kids to bed and then we have our time together. We usually turn the ringers off on the phones. We are very selfish with that time. Nothing supercedes Date Night. We usually try to keep it the same night every week, but sometimes that just can’t happen. We don’t let a week go by without having at least one night that is totally ours.
The best part about Date Night is…okay the second best thing about Date Night is that regardless of anything else, we know that there is one night that we can have to be Real People; not Parents, Teachers, or Co-Workers.
And you know what? It’s really improved our marriage. Not that our marriage was perfect, but there’s always room for improvement, right? It’s drawn us closer together; allowed us to get to know one another all over again; remember the cute little things that made us crazy for the other one while we were dating; and, yes, even learn a few new things about each other.
What’s the secret? There isn’t one.
Other than taking the time and making it absolutely sacred. Rarely do we have any kind of plan for the evening. We usually fly by the seat of our pants and make it up as we go. Every now and then one of us will get a wild idea and try to surprise the other one with something, but neither of us feels like we have to do that. There is no pressure whatsoever.
Okay. I’ve got to go. Tonight is Date Night and I’ve got to go finishing getting ready. Don’t bother calling tonight. We won’t answer the phone.
I’ve been a Twitter user for a couple of months now and I’m going to be honest, at first, I really wasn’t sure what to make of it. At first, I just connected it to my Facebook account for status updates and that was that.
However, in the past couple of weeks, I began to see what the big deal was. Ironically enough, it took reading a story about how several of our Congressmen and -women were “twitting” during Obama’s first non-State of the Union speech. Then I started looking into who all is into the Twitter-thing. It’s amazing who you can follow on Twitter. I’m still finding more and more. Not just people, but all kinds of organizations.
So, if you’re interested: Twit me. It’s not as dirty as it sounds. Seriously.
It’s been a busy last couple of weeks. Just after Christmas, we always have a flurry of birthdays in January so that keeps us hopping.
Morgan has finally lost two more teeth. Her two front teeth are missing. So, I guess that was one Christmas song we won’t have to sing. The first tooth came out last week and it was pretty traumatic. I actually had to pull it out. I opted not to use the String Tied to the Doorknob Trick. After all, Morgan is a wee delicate thing. So, I just very slowly worked it out. There were tears, but mostly at the sight of the blood. Then we reminded her of the Tooth Fairy and everything was just fine.
The second tooth is a different story. She did most of the work on that one by herself! She pulled and pulled until it was almost falling out by itself, but she just couldn’t bring herself to give it that last little tug, so Daddy had to do it. She is so proud of her missing teeth. She couldn’t wait to show everyone at church this morning.
Here she is:
So, I’ve been burned in the past by this statement from Bekah:
“Let’s not get anything for each other on Valentine’s Day.”
It was our first year of marriage and I will never, ever forget that lesson learned. In fact, it’s going to be the first lesson I teach Ian when he starts dating. I’m sure the statement will go something like this:
(Ian and Tee are at home while Morgan and Bekah are out shopping…or something.)
Ian: Dad? My girlfriend and I aren’t going to get each other anything for Christmas this year. It’s just too expensive to buy stuff. She told me it was okay.
(Tee drops what he’s doing, rushes over to his son and holds him firmly by both shoulders and stares directly into his eyes.)
Tee: Son. It’s a lie. Here’s some money. (stuffs a handful of bills into his son’s hand) You go out and you buy her something right now, bring it home and wrap it. And for God’s sake put a bow on the thing. And a card.
(Ian is rattled by the serious nature of his father’s demeanor.)
Ian: But, Dad, we talked about it. It was her idea…
Tee: (interrupting) I know, son. I know you did, but it’s not true. Christmas will come and she will arrive at our house with a gift for you all wrapped up and perfect and it will be something she’s put a lot of thought into and taken a lot of time to wrap and make special.
Ian: (interrupting) But, Dad…
Tee: Trust me. This is like some bizarre female mating ritual where she tests your devotion to her and your ability to read her mind successfully every time. You must learn how to do this if you are to survive. It’s not easy at first, but you must understand that she did not mean what she actually said.
Ian: Dad, that doesn’t make any sense.
Tee: I know, son. I know. There are a lot of things in relationships that don’t make any sense, but trust me I learned this one the hard way… (proceeds to tell him the Valentine’s Day story).
In the spirit of helping some other young men who might be at this point in their lives already, I’m going to tell you the story of this year and pass along the idea that I had that has already paid off this Christmas Season.
Earlier this year, Bekah and I were talking about Christmas presents and one of the things we were discussing is how to spend out extremely limited budget acquiring gifts for everyone. As part of the conversation, she said:
Let’s not get each other anything this year for Christmas. We just don’t have the money.
As soon as these words left her mouth, I lost all track of the conversation. While I was “um-hmm-ing” and “uh-huh-ing” through the rest of it, in my mind alarm bells were going off and I started running through a possible list of gifts for Bekah.
However, this year, I had another problem: We really didn’t have that much money in the budget. Everything that was coming into my head as a potential gift cost more money than we had. Damn, I was in a tight spot. I’m lucky in one respect. Bekah likes to begin planning Christmas gifts around…uh…February. She’s learned not to include me in the conversation until around October because I will forget that the conversation even happened, let alone the details.
So, I had some time to come up with something. I breathed a mental sigh of relief and returned to the conversation at hand.
Skip ahead to December. Around the 10th. Holy crap, I thought, I’ve only got 15 days until Christmas to figure out what I’m going to get Bekah that doesn’t cost anything. 15 days. 15 days. What can I possibly come up with in 15 days?
Then, while I was sitting in the car waiting to pick Morgan up from school, it hit me: The 12 Days of Christmas, right? Bingo. Wait a minute. I know in years past that it costs like $300,000 or something to by all that crap. Damn, I’m in a tight spot.
The key was to find something to do with those 12 days (which start on December 14th, by the way). Then, in a moment of clarity, inspiration, and creativity, I had my idea.
I would write her a letter. One letter for each day of the 12 days, and each letter would cover a different topic. But wait, the ideas just kept flowing. The topics of the letters would be different things that I love about her. Not only that, but I would write them on some decent paper (not just notebook paper, it’s not nearly special enough) and I would make each one of them pretty…somehow.
Believe it or not, we have a wax seal set
So, I would write all of the letters ahead of time and date them for the appropriate date. Then, I could seal the letters with the wax seal and hide them until December 14th when I would present her with her first letter first thing in the morning.
It worked. Here’s a look at how they turned out.
I was giddy. Here’s what to do:
The hardest part about this project was sealing the letters with the wax seal. I had not used the wax for several years so I was out of practice. Trust me, it’s not as easy as it looks in all of those period films. Be prepared: You will make a mess with this part of the project. Try it out on a couple of test pages before you start working on the real letters.
Bekah’s only got three more letters to go. She gets the last one on Christmas morning just after Santa Claus has arrived. When I gave her the first one on the 14th, she was shocked. The first letter told her that she would be receiving for each of the 12 days.
I knew that it had worked when she said:
Now I’ve got to think of something to get you for Christmas!
Earning Good Husband Points is a rare thing. Trust me, this is a thing to be cherished.
Here’s a great little Christmas story to help get the spirit flowing if it wasn’t already.
For those of you who don’t know, Ian is in a special needs pre-k classroom at his school because of a speech delay. He’s four-years-old and has made some amazing progress in the past year since he’s been in speech therapy.
So, Ian had a Holiday Assembly today at school. His class was invited down to hear some of the other classes sing some Christmas carols. After they arrived in the gym, Ian’s class was invited to take part in the assembly by singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Ian’s teacher didn’t volunteer the entire class to sing because they hadn’t practiced or anything, but she asked the class if anyone wanted to go up on stage to sing. Ian and one other little boy said they wanted to. Ian’s teacher sent them up on the stage and began to look for her camera to snap some photos.
Here’s where it gets good.
As she was getting her camera ready, she heard a single voice coming over the PA system singing Rudolph. She looked up and saw Ian standing on the stage at the microphone performing an impromptu solo.
In front of the whole school.
He sang the whole song.
Hang on. It gets better.
Later they were invited back up on stage to sing Jingle Bells. He went back up on stage for his encore.
Since his teacher hadn’t planned on going to the assembly let alone Ian having his solo, we weren’t aware of any of this going on and missed it. I’m just hoping that someone got it on video so I can get a copy of it. Still, I’m proud of the little guy for just jumping up on stage and getting it done. I am told he got up onstage as though he did it every day without hesitation or any sense of nervous energy.
That’s my boy.
UPDATE: When we picked Ian up from school the next day, his teacher told us she forgot to mention that after he returned to his seat, before he sat down he took a good deep bow with one arm over his tummy and the other at his back. That’s my boy.
It’s been a busy time around here. Since I’m playing catch-up from my last post, I’ll give you the Readers Digest version of the past couple of months.
After being diagnosed with extremely high cholesterol, low testosterone and vitamin B12 levels, the doctor put me on a regimen of medications in the hopes of bringing everything back under control and bring me back from the brink of a heart attack. I was okay with this decision. The hardest part of the medications was the fact that Bekah gets to give me a shot every two weeks with a needle the size of the one in Gatlinburg.
So, I took the medications for nearly two months and invoked a radical change of my diet. First of all, I cut out sugar completely. This is a huge thing for me. That means no sweet tea. I’m a southern man. Technically speaking, I think this is actually in violation of the Geneva Convention. Second, I cut out all red meat. See the first point. Then, I cut out all enriched white flour and switched totally to 100% whole grain. Everything. This part wasn’t that bad.
This diet, along with the testosterone shots has proved to be quite a great thing. The most important thing is that I went down two pants sizes. I didn’t lose any actual weight, it just all suddenly turned to muscle. I have more energy than I think I’ve ever had. In short, it’s been incredible.
I even brought my cholesterol down nearly 600 points in two months. My doc was shocked. She’d never seen such a drastic turn around so quickly.
Here’s the bad news: Just about the time I started getting all this energy and feeling great, I developed water on my knee. This is incredibly painful and I don’t recommend it. After tracking down my medical records from my knee surgery in Texas, I finally got an appointment with an orthopedist and got it looked at. I was put in a leg immobilizer and on crutches – again, just at the time when I’ve got all this newfound energy.
I had a series of X-rays and MRIs all of which showed absolutely nothing wrong with my knee except the fluid. In other words, there was no apparent trauma that cause the fluid buildup. Strange. So, the doctor drained it. This is quite possibly the most excruciating thing I’ve ever been through. Ever. Then again, I’ve never given birth to a child.
He sent the fluid off to the lab in the hopes of finding out something there, but the labs came back clean. No infection, no gout, no arthritis (which is good news, but didn’t explain my problem). After draining it, the swelling went down a bit, but the flexibility had not yet come back and I could not put weight on it. The next week I went back and he gave me a cortizone shot (again, very painful to have a needle stuck into your knee) and over the past 10 days, I’ve slowly worked myself down from two crutches to one, from one crutch down to my cane, and finally I’ve started leaving the cane at home and am flying solo again. I go back in today for a “final” checkup on the knee and hopefully to be fitted for a proper knee brace. I’ve been using the generic “OTC” knee braces forever. They work okay, but I can never find one large enough to fit around my calf muscles. They usually wind up cutting off my circulation throughout the day.
Every day since the cortizone shot has been better than the one before it. I’m still not running any marathons, but at least I’m walking without any help. I’m still cringing when I go up or down a set of stairs.
Ian’s speech keeps getting better and better. We are still on the books for an autism screening in May at Vanderbilt. He is making great strides. He loves his speech teachers (both at the Bellwood School and at MTSU)! Morgan made the honor roll and was named a Good Citizen at her school last month. We couldn’t be happier with either of our kids! Halloween pictures can be found in the Facebook gallery. Ian made a pretty convincing Woody from Toy Story.
In other news, my office (which I share with John Mauldin) is being moved to a larger one across campus. Get this: I’m actually going to have an office in the theatre building! This move should be happening in the next week or so.
